Sometimes you meet people and you just feel known. Sometimes you read people’s words and you just feel seen. Such was the case when I met writer and spiritual director
at a Craft & Revision retreat in November.So, her book. The Great Belonging is an exploration into loneliness, a multifaceted look into a topic that’s real and intimate for every single one of us — even if some of us are still looking for words to fit the universal experience. As Charlotte writes, “everyone knows loneliness. Some may experience it more often. Some may find relief from it more quickly. Some may deny or avoid it. But I don’t think any of us escapes its company entirely.”
Through a collection of short essays (which is always my favorite of disparate essay collections), Charlotte examines different facets of belonging: to ourselves, to each other, to our places, through art, and to God. And she does it in such a way that you find yourself thinking, oh yeah, me too, without so much knowing you’ve even thought the words.
Simply put, her words are a balm to weary, lonely, human souls like you and me. Enjoy this bite-sized q+a with her, then share the love by picking up a copy of her book or following her on Instagram.
Cara Meredith: How are you coloring outside of the lines, all over again, when it comes to your writing and this book in particular?
Charlotte Donlon: Because so many Christian writers and readers are more comfortable with having (or wanting!) all of the answers, it felt like coloring outside the lines to write a book exploring various angles of loneliness and belonging that never claims to fully define, explain, or remove all loneliness.
I get it. I would love to believe there’s a non-false sense of security I could somehow obtain that would come with having everything figured out, all of the correct answers, and a checklist of things I can do to never feel lonely again. But I can’t bring myself to buy into that way of thinking because it just doesn't line up with the very real reality that mystery exists, that there are some things we may not be able to figure out on this side of heaven. I joke that The Great Belonging would’ve had a great shot at being a breakout bestseller if the subtitle was Ten Ways to Never Be Lonely Again. But it would’ve been dishonest for me to write that book.
I continue to honor nuance, paradox, blurry lines, and gray space in my writing, faith, and work as a spiritual director for writers.
Cara Meredith: You wrote a book! Tell us! What upside-down idea were you trying to turn right side up again?
Charlotte Donlon: It seems like loneliness should be a bad thing, a thing to avoid, a thing to run from. I’m not claiming those responses and views of loneliness are wrong. But. Loneliness can also be a wise companion, a thing to make room for, a thing to sit with.
I’m a huge fan of letting more than one response or reaction be valid at the same time. Approaching belonging and loneliness from the perspective that there are multiple ways to interact with these ideas depending on our season of life, our current circumstances, and our personal wounds and paths toward healing feels like turning something right side up again. This approach feels like one that makes more space to notice God’s presence in one’s unique experiences of loneliness and belonging.
Cara Meredith: Okay. We talk so much about audience when it comes to book-writing, but what did you learn about yourself along the way?
Charlotte Donlon: I love this question, because I honestly was not prepared to learn everything I learned–and continue to learn–through writing The Great Belonging. I could write a 3000-word essay in response to this question, but for now I’ll say this: The Great Belonging gave me a framework for faith rooted in the language of belonging that allows me to meet with Spiritual Direction for Writers clients from a variety of faith backgrounds. When I ask a client, “How is writing helping you belong to yourself, others, the divine, and the world?” I am asking that person to tell me about the condition of their soul and how their creative practice is intersecting with their faith and doubt. Learning more about loneliness and belonging has helped me interact with clients from various faith traditions at all points along the belief-unbelief spectrum in ways that honor, respect, and welcome everyone. It has truly been a gift.
Cara Meredith: Putting ourselves out there when it comes to storytelling is always a risk. What is the biggest, fleshiest risk you took with this book?
Charlotte Donlon: It can always feel risky to be vulnerable in our writing. The Great Belonging is a book about loneliness and belonging, but it’s also a book about my marriage, motherhood, living with bipolar disorder, and being a daughter, friend, neighbor, and member of the Church. I write about all of these topics with honesty and include plenty of examples of the good, the bad, and the ugly. A reviewer on Amazon gave The Great Belonging one star and called me a mentally ill religious fanatic. That’s fine. They can have their opinion on the usefulness and value of a book like The Great Belonging. It doesn’t feel great to know some people will have that response, but I don’t regret anything about this book. And, I still need to make myself a T-shirt that says “Mentally Ill Religious Fanatic.”
Cara Meredith: Publishing a book is a shiny milestone! What else are you celebrating in your ordinary, everyday life?
Charlotte Donlon: Shiny milestones are wonderful and worthy of celebration, but they don’t have unending staying power. A few things I like to recognize and celebrate on a regular basis are my ability to:
navigate difficult circumstances in healthy ways
honor the needs and desires of my body, mind, and soul
let go of false obligations.
I also do a happy dance whenever I return to an abundance mindset (again) after falling into the trap of a scarcity mindset (again).
P.S. It’s great to see so many new faces around here. Apparently, we need to talk about things like Jesus coming to the Super Bowl more often, which is another way of saying, we need to talk about the things that are broken. As my friend
says, "If we critique the Church, it's because we love the Church." Stay tuned!P.P.S. All of these brilliant questions (and the sub theme as well) stem from interviews that the equally brilliant
originally created. I adapted them for this space, but the origins are all hers!
Cara, Thanks so much for inviting me to participate and including me in this space! I love the topics you’re exploring, the words you’re writing, etc. It’s an honor to join you here. And thank you for your kind words about The Great Belonging!